


Zoinks, Scoob!

by giggly_dick



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-10-19 10:03:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10637598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giggly_dick/pseuds/giggly_dick
Summary: Evan has been noticing something...odd happening around his new house. Jared says it might be ghosts, but that's impossible...right? Looks like we've got a mystery on our hands.





	1. What the hek?

**Author's Note:**

> First fic in this fandom! Hope you enjoy!

Evan turned the steering wheel of the moving truck as Heidi, who was sat down in the passenger seat, chattered happily about how she was so “happy for you, honey!” Evan was silent, save for the occasional ‘mhm’ and ‘haha’.

Today was the day.

Today was the day that Evan finally got to move out.

They pulled up to Evan’s house—a small, quaint one-story apartment located on the outskirts of town. Heidi practically beamed with joy at Evan once the two of them stepped out from within the truck, to which Evan responded with a smile.

A strained smile, but a smile nonetheless.

Heidi, with a spring in her step, walked over to Evan before she wrapped him into a bear hug, and exclaimed cheerfully, “I’m so proud of you, Evan!”

It may have taken a moment or two, but Evan did return the hug.

Following the exchange was a brief silence that seemed to last forever..

..until, y’know, when it stopped.

“Oh, right,” Heidi said, letting go with blinking eyes. “C’mon, bucko, let’s get you unpacked.”

She and Evan began to unload the truck and carry Evan’s furniture into his new house. _Evan’s_ new house.

~

After several long and treacherous hours of lifting Evan’s things into his- _his!_ \- new cozy, little house, he stood in his new cozy, little living room..

And that was when it dawned on him. He was terrified of this.. this big step. This big step that could possibly ruin his life forever.

What if there was some mice infestation and he got bitten to death by all of the mice? What if there was, like, a serial killer hiding in his closet right now? The price of the house was pretty cheap.. Suspiciously cheap…

...What if.. there was a ghost?.. No, that’s dumb. Ghosts don’t exist. Evan was so dumb, and stupid, and if someone could hear his thoughts, he’d be made fun of, wouldn’t he? Because he’s stupid, and he’s happy, and ghosts are stupid..

He was.. happy..?

..Whatever it was that he felt, it didn’t matter. This was cool, and fine, and probably not infested by mice.

~

“You’re going to love it here, Evan, I just know it,” Heidi said, taking a bite from her slice of pizza.

A smile formed on Evan’s lips. “Me too.”

When they had finished organizing Evan’s belongings, Heidi ordered the two of them some pizza. The stress of the day began to fade as they relaxed on Evan’s sofa.

“Don’t forget to come and visit your ol’ mom from time to time, okay?” Heidi playfully bumped shoulders with Evan.

He laughed at her. “Of course, mom. I promise to visit.”

Soon after, Heidi stood up with a weary sigh. “I should get back home, I have an early shift tomorrow.”

Evan watched as Heidi went out the door and headed back over to the moving truck, but not before giving Evan a quick kiss on the forehead and an affectionate, “Goodnight, Evan. I love you!”

“I love you too, mom.”

The house wasn’t as cool as it was before.

~

A month had passed, and Evan was finally getting comfortable in the house. Sure, Evan felt pretty lonely, and his friends declined every invite so far to come visit his house, since they were always “too tired” or just “busy.” He understood, though. If Evan had a friend like himself, he’d avoid him, too.

At least he felt cozier in his home than he had been a month ago..

But, at night, when Evan lay alone in his bed that Evan felt was too big, and moonlight cracked through his blinds, the crushing thoughts of loneliness gripped his heart.

Now, he almost always awoke with tear streaks on his face.

~

After all those busy days and nights spent alone, Evan began to notice something… off about his new home. Not a lot of things, but small, infrequent things that left Evan scratching his head.

Things like turning off the light in a room, only to come back and find it on; closing a cabinet while cooking and having it randomly swing back open; his bedroom door creaking open when he swore he’d closed it all the way.. The list goes on. Evan wasn’t sure what to make of these things, so he always ended up brushing them off as him being forgetful.

As time went on, however, those little inconveniences became even stranger. Like Evan coming home from grocery shopping, and soon finding that his milk was gone, even though he hardly even touched it. Or Evan laying in bed on his phone and his covers sliding off his body without him doing anything.

Once, Evan had been in the bathroom, and realized he ran out of toilet paper.

His bathroom door had opened slightly before some toilet paper was rolled his way.

Evan was starting to freak out about it. God, what if there was a serial killer that, like, played with his victims’ minds, drove them to insanity, and then tortured them endlessly? Evan shuddered at the thought.

He’d brought up all the strange things that kept happening to him in the middle of a conversation with Jared. Jared suggested ghosts. Evan didn’t bring it up again with Jared.

Ghosts? C’mon. Jared could do better than ghosts. Ghosts weren’t even real. Evan just didn’t understand his friend sometimes…

Serial killers were pretty real, though. Serial killers that hid in closets and came out to brutally mutilate their victims and Evan was pretty weird for thinking that, wasn’t he? He was so weird. So weird, and stupid, and dumb, and stupid, and did he say stupid? Because Evan was really, really stupid.

..However, one day, about two-ish months after the weirdness began, Evan started to reconsider the ghost concept.

It started out as a normal Saturday. Since Evan had no work, he slept in, woke up at around 10, and scrolled through some social media website on his phone for about an hour. He didn’t have the motivation to get out of bed.

He did eventually get out of bed, though, albeit reluctantly, and had migrated to the sofa to chill and watch shows on Netflix.

At about noon, he had to eat, so he rose from the couch and mosied to the kitchen, and found a sticky note on the fridge.. What?

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Stop crying at night. It’s depressing._

_Sincerely, me._

_P.S. You’re out of milk. I need milk to sate my unholy cravings, y’know._

Evan read the note, and then opened the fridge to see that he was indeed out of milk.

He bolted out of the kitchen, shrieking in fear.

~

Evan had been curled up in a ball, hidden under the covers of his bed for the past half hour.

Maybe it was Jared, or something? It sounds like something Jared would do. Then again, Jared hadn’t been to his house and didn’t actually know where it was.

What else could it have been, though?

..It’s probably the serial killer. He’s going to be driven to madness, and then, like, crucified, because the serial killer is gonna turn out to be some zealot, or whatever.

Before Evan could start panicking at the possibility of a zealot serial killer hiding in his closet and coming out to crucify him, his mind began to drift back to what Jared had said.. Maybe Jared was right. Maybe it was a ghost.

Evan shook his head. No, that was insane, crazy, and impossible. No way was it a ghost.

He took a deep breath. He was being ridiculous.

Not like that was new, though.

He got out from under the covers and cautiously walked back into the kitchen, heading to the fridge.

The note was still there, hanging in all its _noteworthy_ glory.

Evan snickered quietly, despite his situation.

Where did it come from?.. Evan had an idea. A very stupid idea, but an idea.

Evan went into his room, where he had a small desk set up, and grabbed a sticky note and a blue pen. He quickly wrote something in response to the note on the fridge. If he got a reply, then.. maybe ghosts aren’t as nonexistent as he thought they were.

He stuck the note to the fridge, right under the first, and nodded at it before deciding that he might as well get some more milk.

_Dear… person,_

_Who/what are you? Are you a ghost? Have you been haunting my house? If so, for how long?_

_P.S. I’m going to go get some milk for your “unholy cravings.” Do you prefer soy, almond, or regular milk?_

Little did Evan know that while he was getting some milk, someone else was writing a note back to him, with a slight smirk on their face.

_Dear Evan Hansen..._


	2. Silly Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I may or may not have gotten really excited and written another chapter. oops? Any way, enjoy!

Y’know what fucking sucks? Dying. Y’know what sucks even worse? Being a ghost.

Thus was the life- uh- afterlife of Connor Murphy.

Connor had lived in this little white house a few years after he had graduated high school, vetoing college because fuck that. His parents had kicked him out and he decided that fuck them, he could live on his own perfectly fine, thank you very much.

He’d lived in that house for four years, but then he reached the ripe age of twenty-four, which was when he realized that he couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t ( _shouldn’t_ ) live anymore.

So, like any other reasonable human being, he decided to do the world a favour and slit his wrists with a cheap razor. Edgy, right?

His corpse wasn’t found until five days after he had killed himself.

Connor’s sister was the one who found him, actually. The only reason she came to his house was because their parents were hosting a family reunion, or some shit.

Once she had found him, she called the cops, who moved his body.. but not his spirit, apparently.

Connor became a ghost almost as soon as his body was moved. He drifted for a moment in the bathroom, confused as to why he was there. Didn’t he just, like, kick the bucket? Did it not work?

He later found out he was a ghost when he accidentally, y’know, floated through a wall, screaming.

Like, he was just chilling, all confused, but then, boom, through the wall you go, Connor.

He realized that he wasn’t even on the ground right after he noticed that he could see through his hands. The conclusion: he was a ghost.

Fuuuuu-uh-uh-uh-uhck.

  ~

Connor’s family had come to the house over the next few weeks to move all his possessions out of the house and sell it to the highest bidder. Connor remembered that his family didn’t seem very heartbroken about it. Instead, they were acting like they were expecting it.

It kinda.. hurt.

What hurt even worse, though, was when Zoe had made a comment to their father about how she refused to mourn him. She wouldn't even sing a requiem.

Besides being hurt, he also felt a little smug about being right about them not caring for him. Still, it sucked to know that he had literally killed himself, but was forgotten entirely.

He wasn’t missed, he had no friends, and his family didn’t care. He was even lonelier than when he was alive. Which, really, was saying something.

Connor killed himself to get rid of these problems, but.. now, they’re even worse..

Anyway.

He’d spent the next few years spooking whoever bought his house-- without killing anybody, mind you.

Connor mostly just messed with people until they decided to leave.

One dude had tried to exorcise him, but it hadn’t done anything, so Connor just threw a plate at him.

Eventually, a new chump had rolled his way.

Said chump seemed to be around Connor’s age. Well, Connor’s age before he died.

He looked pretty nervous, but happy. He showed up with a woman, too.

She looked too old to be his sister, and too much like the guy to be his girlfriend. So, Connor had concluded she was his mom, or aunt, or something.

While they were moving the dude’s stuff into his house, Connor had learned more about him. Apparently, his name was Evan, and the woman who was with him was his mom.

Once she’d left, Evan had come back into the house and went from happy to, like, sad. In seconds.

Connor could 100% relate.

   ~

As time began to pass, Connor saw Evan try to put off his loneliness by inviting his friends over (who typically blew him off) and visiting his mom.

Connor couldn’t help but feel bad for the guy. His heart (metaphorically speaking, of course. Connor probably didn’t have a heart anymore.. Maybe) ached for Evan.

But, Connor was still an asshole, and after about a month of recon and gathering info about his roomie, he began his haunting.

However, his attempts to scare Evan were in vain. Sucks to suck, huh? Whenever Connor tried to spook the dude, he just acted like everything was, like, normal.

Connor opens a door? Evan just forgot to close it properly.

Connor turns a light on? Evan just forgot to turn it off before he left the room.

That one time Connor gave Evan T.P. when he needed it?

..Okay, Evan did see that as weird, but he didn’t freak out as much as Connor was hoping.

Not to mention, Connor may be dead, but he wasn’t a monster. What, was he supposed to leave Evan there, without toilet paper? No.

After the T.P. incident, Connor realized he had to up his game.

The thing was, ghosts have certain powers to them. They can interact with objects if they focused hard enough, and could mess with electric things and float and shit. This Connor learned from experience.

But, as far as Connor knew, they couldn’t make themselves seen or heard.

He decided to let himself be known, officially, to the other in the form of a letter.

Connor had written the note and stuck it to the fridge when Evan fell asleep, excited at the thought of being able to talk with another person again.

It’s been, like, what? Two years, or some shit?

..That is, of course, if Evan doesn’t just high tail it out of here when he finds out about Connor’s existence.

   ~

When Evan did read the note, Connor couldn’t help but laugh.

It’s just- the guy actually _checked_ the fridge to see if Connor was lying about the milk (why would he lie about that? Milk was a very serious matter), _then_ he screamed and ran.

Connor followed him and laughed some more at how Evan hid under his covers. This was comedy gold.

Connor eventually left him to go turn off and on some lights.

   ~

After a while, Connor saw Evan leave the room hesitantly. With this look on his face, Evan turned back to his room, emerging a moment later with a note in his hand. He stuck it to the fridge under Connor’s letter, nodded, and left the house.

Connor floated over to the fridge to see what the note said.

He read it over with a little grin. Evan wasn’t even sure if there was anything in the house, but he still wanted to ask Connor’s preference. In all honesty, it didn’t matter the milk. Connor wasn’t actually drinking it, since he was a.. Yeah.

He just poured it in the toilet for his amusement.

What else was he supposed to do? It’s not like he could leave the house.

Connor had written back to Evan and waited for him to come back. It had only taken about forty minutes, and when Evan got home, he had one grocery bag in his hand.

Connor wondered what kind of milk he got.

Evan was pointedly not looking at the fridge as he walked into the kitchen. He set down the bag, inhaled deeply, and then turned to look at the fridge. Evan stumbled back with a soft, “Holy moly.”

Evan stood still, his shock apparent in his wide eyes and hanging jaw, as he looked at the note.

Connor rolled his eyes.

“It’s just a fucking note, not what’s haunting you,” Connor snarked. Of course, Evan couldn’t hear him.

Evan did eventually move, reaching a shaky hand towards the note to pull it off from the fridge and read Connor’s response.

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Hi. I’m Connor Murphy, and I’m dead! I’m like Danny Phantom, but permanently a ghost, and I’ve been a ghost for a few years now. So, who you gonna call?_

_Sincerely, me_

_P.S. All milk is good, I just pour it out, anyway._

Evan set down the note and looked about the kitchen like he was going to see Connor.

Yeah, good luck with that.

“Are you here right now?” Evan asked, chewing his bottom lip nervously. Connor grinned, looking around to show that he was here. He opened the fridge door and closed it again. Evan yelped loudly in surprise, backing away from the fridge frantically.

“Aw jeez, um, hi C-Connor. I’m Evan- or, I guess you knew that...I- um what- how- I’m sorry, I don't know how to deal with this. Not that you are something that needs to be dealt with! I’m sure you’re a lovely.. person! It’s just- I, erm, uh, yeah.” Evan rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Connor left the room for a moment to grab a pen and pad of paper.

Evan screamed bloody murder when he saw the floating paper and pen.

Connor set the paper on the table and began to write, Evan reading as he did so.

He wrote, _Dude, chill. It’s fine. It’s not everyday you meet a ghost._

Evan snorted at that.

_You might wanna put away your groceries._

Evan blinked. “Oh, yeah.”

He grabbed the bag and pulled out some almond milk and a bag of those frosted animal crackers. He went to put the milk away, but then he suddenly froze. “Hang on…” Evan turned around to where he guessed Connor was.

He was off by a bit, but Connor quickly floated in front of Evan, so.

“You were just pouring out my milk?” Evan asked.

Whoopsie daisy.

Evan’s glare grew in intensity.

Connor picked up the pen to write a reply.

_I got bored, man. There’s not a lot I can do, since I’m, like, dead-ish._

Evan read the note and frowned, “Don’t, uh, pour out my milk, please? I have to work for that,” he said, turning back to the fridge before he put the milk away.

Evan shifted again, significantly more awkward.

He rubbed his palms on his pants. “So, uh, what now?” Connor shrugged, even though he knew he was, y’know, invisible.

_I don’t fucking know. I’m just gonna haunt around a bit, you do whatever._ Connor floated away right after he heard Evan mutter a good bye to the now empty room.

Evan was left wondering how he just ended up with a ghost roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Usually I don't update so soon but I really like this au and I was like, fuck it, imma write another chapter. Also, i want to thank everyone who commented, it made me so darn happy!  
> Thanks for reading!  
> 1kudos=1cloud that's shaped like a duck


	3. I Ain't Afraid of No Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another chapter! This chapter was edited by my new editor, who I thank so dearly for they're help with this! They're called teafanatic on tumblr and they are so wonderful! I should also note that the two of us re-did chapter 1 and 2. The chapters aren't too much different, so if you don't want to go back to read them it's fine, but the chapters are better quality and I suggest taking a gander at them!  
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

Time went on, and Evan became more used to Connor’s presence.

He also got used to the flickering lights and slamming doors, which usually meant that Connor was bored. On the bright side, Connor didn’t touch the milk anymore. 

Evan began to leave out pads of paper with a pen in every room so he could communicate with Connor. It didn’t take long for Evan to realize just how much of a dick Connor could be... But, like, he wasn’t  _ that _ much of a dick. He was.. the good amount of dick. Not in the weird way, though!

Connor refused to talk about his past. Evan tried to ask, but Connor would always throw something and leave.

Or, Evan thought he left. He was never really sure. 

Evan figured he should probably leave the questions about Connor alone. Instead, he constantly asked questions about being a ghost. Connor seemed more inclined to answer the questions about that, but he’d mostly just say that being a ghost sucked and end the conversation by flicking the lights on and off in another room.

All in all, life wasn’t very different. He still had work, and he still went to visit his mom on the daily. The only difference now is that he had a bit more..  _ spirit _ .

Queue the internal knee-slap.

Evan still wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not, though.

Evan considered telling Jared about Connor, since he wanted to see the other’s reaction, and.. maybe he’d hang out with him more..?

..But, he was afraid that Jared would think him to be insane. It is a pretty crazy claim, saying that a ghost was haunting your house, but it was a chill ghost that just threw things.

Okay, Evan, good luck telling people that.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Sometimes, Connor acted nicer than the living people Evan knew. 

Like today. Today, Evan had a particularly bad time. He’d been rejected by his friends (yet again), his mom wasn’t home so he couldn’t visit her, and his Netflix subscription ran out, as well as his food supply. He couldn’t even go out and buy more food, since he was so low on cash. 

So, yeah. Evan was having what you’d call a bad day.

Now, he laid under the covers of his bed, staring into the darkness of his room as his head began to churn with unpleasant thoughts. No one cared about Evan. His so-called ‘friends’ never spared Evan the time of day, his mom was too busy to talk..

Not that Evan was even worth it. Who would waste effort on a mess like him? He was an insignificant, worthless burden to everyone he’s ever met. Evan was boring and stupid and awful and-

Evan didn’t realize that tears had begun to fall from his eyes until he noticed the tear stains on his pillow.

He hiccuped lightly, trying to keep the louder sobs at bay. His head started to spin, and his heart grew heavy with misery.

The world around him began to turn.. gray. Every hiccup, every sound was blocked out by the overwhelming thoughts of self-deprecation that began to plague his brain.

Evan curled tighter around himself, clutching at his head as his cries grew louder.

God, he was so pathetic. He can’t do anything right-- he can’t even exist properly.

He would be so much better off dead.

It’s not like anyone would miss him. He’d be forgotten as soon as he was gone. Or he’d be remembered only as a nuisance and everyone would be relieved to be rid of him. Or-

Evan’s downward spiral was abruptly stopped by a freezing touch against his skin. 

He yelped and scrambled to sit up to see what in the world that was. He couldn’t see anything in the dark, so he quickly turned on the lamp that was set upon his bedside table.

The room became bathed in the yellow-ish light of lamp. At first, Even didn’t see anything, the skin where he felt the chill tingling slightly.

Then, Evan noticed something, or rather someone, standing- erm, floating by the door, staring at Evan with a look of surprise and sadness. Surdness.

It was clearly a man, with an unruly mass of curls for hair and a bad-boy kinda feel to him. There was… something off about him, too.

Evan could see right through him. 

He made eye contact with.. whatever it was, and the guy’s eyes widened considerably. He looked shocked.

“C-.. Can you see me?” the stranger asked.

Evan nodded slowly. The guy floated back a bit in surprise.

“..Oh, shit. Can you hear me?” His tone of voice grew.. excited, and so did his expression. Evan nodded again, gradually putting the pieces together. 

Transparent floating man in Evan’s house… Could it be Connor?

“Connor?” Evan asked, pulling the covers back and getting out of bed, stepping a little closer to the ghost. Connor’s pale face broke into a large grin.

“Yes! It’s me, Connor, I- this is amazing- it’s been years, and I- wow. Wow.” Connor seemed to be exploding with joy.

Evan began to understand. It must’ve been a while since Connor had talked to.. Anybody.

Evan nervously returned the smile as Connor glided closer.. Super close. Oh, god, the personal space bubble..

“Can you…?” Connor trailed off and lifted his hand to Evan’s arm, cautiously touching. 

Evan yelped and pulled back. Connor’s touch was just as cold as ice.. He recognized it as the feeling he felt earlier.

Connor pulled his hand away, as if he had been burned, a concerned look on his face. “Oh, fuck! Evan, are you okay? Did I hurt you?” 

Evan shook his head vigorously. “It’s okay, Connor, I promise. It’s just...you’re really cold, it surprised me,” he said reassuringly.

Silently, the two looked at one another and Evan took this time to really study Connor. He was clearly a good-looking guy,  _ really  _ good-looking, and a part of Evan wished he’d seen Connor when the other had been alive.

A thought struck Evan in that moment. Even frowned. “Wait, why were you in my room?” 

Evan swore he saw Connor’s cheeks darkening slightly. The spirit looked away and drifted a little further away, looking awkward.

“I, um.. Sometimes I… Iwatchyouwhenyousleep,” Connor admitted, slowly putting his face in his hands.

Evan felt his face heat up.

Connor peeked through his hand and groaned. “I’m sorry, I just- I don’t sleep and, to pass time, I watch you sometimes… Not all the time! Just, sometimes… It’s a bad habit, I always do it to those who live in my house..”

Evan coughed awkwardly, “Uh, ah jeez, um, it’s- I mean, it’s not cool and I’d like you to at least ask me first, but- uh- I forgive you? I guess?” 

Connor visibly relaxed at that, “Thanks. I promise not to creep on your ass without first asking your consent. Scout’s honor,” he said, holding up three fingers.

Evan laughed slightly, still a little uneasy, but calming down a bit. Maybe it was some ghost thing?

The room grew quiet again, the air around the two a weird mix of tension and calm. Evan shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly.

“So, I, uh, should get back to bed…” He played with the hem of his shirt, looking at the ground.

“...Yeah...Yeah, no, of course, you’re living, duh you need sleep,” Connor smacked his hand to his forehead, “I’ll just, um, let you be then… I promise I won’t return tonight. I’ll just chill in the living room, then…” Connor began to slide out of the room.

Evan felt a pang of… something strike him. He didn’t want to be alone, being alone meant the ruckus of his head would consume him again. Evan didn’t want to be alone, especially since his thoughts had run so dark.

“Wait!” Evan called out to Connor, who slid back in looking confused and a little… hopeful? Evan took a deep breath, “Could you, maybe, stay? In here? Just for tonight, I wouldn’t want to ruin your ghostly shenanigans, I just don’t wanna be by myself. Jeez, that sounds pathetic, I mean, I just-” Connor held up a hand.

“It’s fine, I can stay in here with you, if you want me to,” He gave Evan a small smile, “I’ll just- draw or something while you sleep, okay?” Evan nodded.

“Thank you, Connor,” Evan breathed, relief evident on his face. 

“Don’t worry about it. Get to sleep, dipshit,” Connor smirked and floated over to Evan’s desk to, presumably, draw or something.

Evan climbed back into bed and flicked off the lamp, before he flicked it back on, “Wait, do you need the light to see or…?” 

“Nah, I can see in the dark. I got me some night vision,” Connor gestured to his eyes as he said this as if to prove his point.

“Oh, okay,” Evan shit off the lamp a final time and snuggled into his bed. 

A beat of silence passed, Evan repositioned himself in bed and Connor scribbled on some paper. Evan spoke quietly in the dark, “Goodnight, Connor,”

Evan got nothing back for a moment, worry that he’d somehow fucked everything up beginning to fill his head when a voice broke out.

“Sleep tight, Evan,” Connor’s voice was soft and calming.

Evan smiled happily into his pillow before he drifted off into a restful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already working on chapter 4 and it should be coming to ya soon! Thank you so much for reading this, I love every kudos and comment that I see!  
> Have a good day!
> 
> 1 kudos=1 belt buckle


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this being sorta late, a bunch shit happened, but we're all good now and I've got a couple chapters all done, so yay!! Hope you all enjoy!

The thing about Connor’s new found visibility was that it wasn’t consistent. It was like Connor’s other powers, he had to really focus if he wanted to be seen or heard. And he got tired really easy, so he wasn't visible for most hours of the day, only showing himself to Evan if he asked.

The two still communicated mostly through the notes to each other, Connor didn’t really mind that, at least someone was talking to him. 

Connor never realized just how much he had missed talking to another person. Like, he knew he was lonely, but when he talked to Evan he felt more alive than he ever did when he  _ was  _ alive. Maybe it was just the charm that Evan had to him that drew Connor in. Or maybe it was just the human contact he craved. He wasn’t sure, he just knew he didn’t want it to end.

However, the downside to having someone to talk to, was missing them whenever they left. Like, whenever Evan left the house, to go to work or run errands or something, Connor was left alone and bored out of his mind. He got really bitchy when Evan left (he was still bitchy even when Evan was there, just less bitchy) and tended to start throwing things. At one point, Evan had gotten Connor a stress ball to play with when he wasn’t home. Connor accidently threw the ball out a window. Evan stopped trying.

But Connor did try not to fuck with anything breakable or anything that would make a mess. He didn’t want Evan to hate him and leave. That thought made Connor pause in what he was doing, which was tossing a pillow up in the air. This guy, Evan Hansen, was the first person since before Connor had even died that he didn’t want to get rid of. He didn’t even care about his family that much. But Evan, Evan was different. Connor wanted to let Evan in, to let Evan know all about him. Some how, in the few months they had known each other, Evan had become the most important person in Connor’s life  _ and  _ afterlife.

How? How did this awkward, anxious, nobody worm his way into Connor’s phantom heart? Connor couldn’t answer that question, but he knew it scared him. 

Connor shook the thought from his head, setting the pillow aside. He didn’t need to think of that shit now. Connor drifted away from Evan’s bed, going over to the desk and grabbing a piece of paper to draw on. 

Connor had been quite a good artist in his living days, drawing was one of the pastimes that made Connor forget about his mortal problems. The other pass time was weed, but that’s not important now. Connor wondered if ghosts could smoke the devil's asparagus…? Probably not…

Anyway, drawing. Connor had only recently started drawing again, being able to hold onto a pen or pencil for small periods of time. Evan liked Connor’s drawings, showering the poltergeist in compliments whenever he saw a picture. Connor wouldn’t admit it, but that was the main reason he took up drawing again. 

Connor was halfway done with a picture of his sister as a demon when the front door opened. Connor set down his pen and floated out of the room to greet who he presumed to be Evan.

It wasn’t.

Immediately Connor tensed. Who was this guy in Evan’s house? He had pointed face and a long nose with glasses resting on them. He looked bored as he adjusted the strap on his mail carrier bag.

“Evan? Dude, you here?” the stranger asked the empty apartment.

No reply. He sighed and began to grumble to himself. “You get all on my case about me coming over, and when I do, you’re not fucking here.” He shrugged. “Whatever,”

He made his way into the house, sneaking into the kitchen before he rummaged through the fridge.

Connor felt a stab of anger. Was this one of Evan’s “friends”? The ones who constantly brushed him off, and made him  _ cry _ ? What an asshat.

Connor drifted behind the newcomer, who had grabbed some leftover pizza, and wondered what to do. This guy was a dick.

Connor had to do something.

The guy munched on the pizza as he went to the living room, then looking around for a moment. His eyes settled on one of the notebooks that they had put in every room for easier communication with each other.

“Hm... I should leave him a note.” The intruder picked up the pen next to the papers and wrote a quick note to Evan. Connor leaned over his shoulder to read it.

_ i ate your pizza _

_ get cronched, bitch _

_ jared _

He left the note and stood, finishing off the pizza.

So this was Jared, Connor thought, Evan had told him about Jared. Jared was the one to first suggest that there was a ghost in Evan’s house... Connor smirked as an idea popped in his head. 

Jared began to walk to the door, planning on leaving, but when he opened it, Connor slammed it shut. 

“What the hell?” Jared questioned, trying to open the door, but Connor wouldn’t let him.

Connor slowly let himself be seen, watching with veiled amusement as Jared looked at him in horror.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” Jared screeched as he fell backward.

Connor floated slowly towards the fallen fleshie, extending a hand to point at Jared.

“You dare trespass on my lands?” Connor asked in a deep, gravelly voice. “You are not welcome here! You desecrate my final resting place with your ass-face! You must be eliminated!”

Jared screeched in a very super totally manly way as he scrambled to get up.

“FUCK THIS SHIT!” Jared yelled as he bolted through Connor to the door, tearing it open and running away. 

Connor began to cackle at his reaction. What a fucking pussy.

***

Connor was floating in the house a few hours later. He was thinking about everything and nothing as he lounged in the living room. The front door opened and shut, signaling that someone had entered the home. Connor lazily glanced over, seeing that it was Evan coming home, toeing off his sneakers. 

“Connor?” Evan asked the room, irritation in his voice. 

Connor made himself visible, showing Evan where he was, “Present,” he drawled. 

Evan put his hands on his hips, shooting Connor a glare, “Why did I get a call from a very terrified Jared raving about a ghost in my house?”

Connor smirked, “I don’t know, maybe he’s just crazy,” He floated towards Evan, whose frown deepened. 

“Connor,” He scolded, “What did you do?” 

Connor shrugged and drifted over to the table where Jared’s note was left. Evan noticed the note and walked over to read it. Evan sighed.

“So Jared _was_ here,” He said looking at Connor again, “What did you do?” he repeated.

Connor gave Evan a wolfish grin, “I may or may not have told him to piss off cause he was trespassing on my sacred lands?”

Evan groaned and put his head in his hands, “Cooonnnnooorr,” He whined, “Whyy? He’s like my only friend, now he’ll never come back!” Evan began to pace back and forth, “He’ll hate me because I invited him to my haunted house and he’ll never talk to me again and then he’ll tell everyone we know how I live with a ghost and they’ll stop talking to me and I’ll be all alone and everyone will hate me and- gahh!” He flopped onto the couch, throwing an arm dramatically over his eyes.

Connor hovered over him, “Hey there champ,” Connor poked at Evan, who shivered, “No one will believe that asshole anyway, you’ll be fine,”

Evan sat up suddenly, accidentally putting his head in Connor’s chest. He yelped at the cold and Connor slunk backward as Evan clutched at his head.

“You don’t understand,” Evan glared up at Connor, still rubbing at his head, “Jared is my  _ only friend,  _ and even then it’s only just barely. If he stops talking to me, I’ll have no one! I- I can’t be alone…” Connor noticed that Evan had tears in his eyes.

Connor didn’t know how to deal with this, so he responded with his default mode. Anger.

“Well it’s not he’s much of a friend anyway!” Connor yelled, “I’ve heard the way he blows you off! He’s part of the problem! That fuckface is the reason you cry at night!”

Evan stood up and scowled at Connor, “It’s better than being alone! I can’t- I don’t-” His face was red and he was shaking slightly. He took a deep breath, “Do you understand how terrified I am of being alone? Of being forgotten? I can’t stand the thought of it, I can’t-” He shook his head and fled the room, heading to his bedroom and slamming the door behind him

Connor was left in the living room, feeling the familiar feeling of anger rushing through his veins. Of fucking course he knew how awful it was to be forgotten. It was literally his entire life, even before his death. He was always alone and forgotten, no one cared about him, it was part of the reason why he offed himself. And when he did die, he was somehow even more forgotten, his family not sparing more than necessary to get rid of his body. Connor was nothing, especially now.

Connor calmed himself down a bit, counting to ten over and over in his head, and floated to the bedroom. 

“Evan? Can I come in?” He asked, trying to make his voice sound nicer.

He heard a muffled yes from the other side and phased through the door. Evan was sprawled out on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with tear tracks on his cheek he didn’t bother to wipe away. Connor sighed. Evan probably was thinking of moving out, hoping to get away from his poltergeist. The thought of Evan leaving hurt more than it should, but Connor shook the feeling away.

“When I was in second grade I threw a printer at my teacher,” Connor said, crossing his legs in the air. Evan glanced at him, “That was the day the whole town labeled my as a freak. Crazy Connor Murphy, throwing printers and smoking pot. Growing up, I didn’t have any friends, no one would want to come near me. I couldn’t blame them, I was the worst- still am. But, people began to pick on me, calling me a ‘future school shooter’ and trying to aggravate me so I’d blow up. It was like poking a bear with a pointy stick. I was always angry, so fucking angry. At the world, at myself, at everything. It didn’t take much for me to blow up. I was called a psychopath more times than I can count and I was avoided by everyone.

My family didn’t even care about me. My dad was always disproving of whatever I did, never failing to call me a disappointment. My mom tried, but she only really cared about the family image, not me. And my sister, Zoe, was- well, we used to be close, but she began to drift away from me when he got to middle school, probably so she could avoid the cloud of darkness that followed me. Soon she hated me like everyone else. I was completely alone in the world. 

I didn’t go to college and soon after highschool I moved in here, but life didn’t improve. Everything fucked sucked, Evan, I was so alone and everything was so dark and… I took my own life, Evan, in the bathroom. I cut into my wrists and bled out and when I woke up, I was a ghost. I was dead, and you know what the fucking cherry on top is? No one cared, not a single mother fucking person gave a damn that I was dead. I wasn’t mourned, I was forgotten. You are the first person in my entire life and death to treat me like an actual fucking person and I just-” Connor palmed his eyes, “I’m sorry, Evan, I’m sorry. Just know that you’ll never be alone, not as long as I am here. I swear I won’t let you end up like me,”

Evan had sit up sometime during Connor’s speech, but his tears hadn’t stopped. Evan had a hand over his mouth and his face was scrunched up in sadness. Connor was looking at the ground dejectedly. Evan got out of the bed and walked over to where Connor was floating. Evan took a shaky breath and tried to pull Connor into a hug. His hands passed through Connor’s cold form, and Connor looked up at Evan.

“Hug,” was all Evan said, and Connor straightened out his form and they did an awkward air hug.

Evan was warm, something Connor hadn’t really felt since he had died. He was almost surprised that he could feel it, but he knew he could feel the warmth from Evan and he tried to pull the other closer, only to pass through him. Evan shivered.

They pulled apart and avoided eye contact. It wasn’t fair, Connor thought, how come the perfect guy comes around  _ after _ Connor died? Why couldn’t they know each other before he ended it? He felt like screaming at how, even after death, the world was fucking him over.

Evan scratched at his head for a moment, “Thank you, for, uh, telling me that, Connor,” He said nervously, “I-I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier-”

“It’s fine, I was a dick,” Connor cut off, feeling drained.

Connor’s form suddenly flickered and vanished. Connor was still there, but he didn’t have anymore energy to do more than float. Evan blinked at where Connor had been and sighed. 

“D’you wanna watch a movie?” Evan asked the empty space, hoping Connor was still there.

The lights flicked off and back on for a moment and Evan took that as a yes.

They spent the rest of the night next to each other on the couch watching trashy romantic comedies on the television. Connor was glad he didn’t have to feel so alone anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Next update should be either Sunday or Monday, it really depends, but I'll try to get it up sooner rather than later! Have a fantastic day!
> 
> 1kudos=1mountain god


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo chapter five coming at ya! I hope you enjoy it!

“What’s your favorite colour?” Evan asked as he lay in bed on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Connor was floating above him, looking down at Evan as the two asked each other questions.

“Uhh,” Connor took a moment to think, “Probably...green. But like, a light green, like spring. Y’know what I mean?” Evan nodded, “What ‘bout you? Your favorite colour?”

“Blue,” Evan responded immediately, “Like the sky. I remember, when I was really little, my dad took me and my mom out to a park for a picnic. We spent the whole day spread out on a blanket, looking at the sky. That was one of the last days I spent with my dad, before he left…” 

It was quiet for a moment, before Evan laughed awkwardly, “Sorry, I always ruin things…” Connor shook his head.

“No, no, shut up, you’re fine, I was just thinking of another question,” Connor tapped his finger to his chin, as if he was seriously thinking, “What’s your favorite movie?”

Evan groaned, “No, that’s cheating, that’s too hard,” Connor snickered as Evan continued, “I don’t know... I don’t have one?” 

Connor cupped his hands around his mouth, “Boo, that’s lame,” Evan shrugged.

“What’s you favorite one? Ghostbusters?” Evan laughed at his own joke.

“Ha ha, you’re hilarious,” Connor said, voice monotone. Evan began to laugh harder at Connor, who frowned at Evan, “No, I’m serious, Evan, you should be a comedian with that one-liner. You’d have the whole place in stitches,”

Evan just snorted, “Shut up, that was funny and you know it,” Connor shrugged.

“Whatever you say, man,” Connor smirked, “Though, no, that’s not my favorite movie. It’s actually the 1990 film, Ghost,” Evan began to crack up again.

“No it’s not, shut up,” Evan laughed. Connor began to laugh too.

“Yes it is!” He insisted, “It’s the best movie in the whole world!” 

They began to laugh to the point where tears were in Evan’s eyes and Connor’s form flickered due to lack of concentration. After a minute or two, they began to calm down, laughter trickling out into small smiles.

Evan threw a pillow through Connor’s form, “Answer the question, ya dumb,” 

Connor thought for a second, “I like the Star Wars movies. I mean- not the fucking prequels, the good ones,” 

Evan nodded thoughtfully, “How long have you been dead?”

Connor raised an eyebrow at him and Evan realized how rude the question was.

“No- shoot, I mean, like- It’s just there was a new one, that came out a while ago, and I didn’t know if you were alive to hear about it and...sorry,” Evan fiddled with his bedsheets.

“I killed myself in twenty-thirteen. So, what- two years ago?” Connor cocked his head.

“Four years ago,” Evan corrected softly.

Connor made a small grunt noise, “Damn, I’d be, like, twenty-eight now,”

Evan looked at him with surprise, “You were twenty-four when you died?”

Connor nodded, “Yessiree,” he said, “Wait, how old are you?”

“Twenty-five,” Evan replied.

Connor hummed and they fell into thoughtful silence. Then Connor shook his head, clearing his thoughts.

“So, uh, yeah, what was this about a new Star Wars movie?” Connor said in an attempt to change the subject.

Evan blinked up at him, “What? Oh, yeah, right. Well, I could show it to you, if you want,” Connor grinned at Evan.

“Hell yeah, I want. I’m always a slut for Star Wars,” Evan laughed at this.

The two continued in their little question game for hours, laughing and joking until Evan passed out from exhaustion. Connor watched over him as he slept, a small smile on his ghost face. 

“Goodnight, Evan,” He whispered before flickering out and away.

***

“Okay,” Evan said hanging up his phone, “Pizza is ordered, even though you can’t eat it-”

“You need to try my favorite pizza, Evan, it’s vital for your existence,” 

“Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza, but whatever,” Evan rolled his eyes as he walked over to the television to put in a movie. Evan was clad in a blue sweatshirt with a dinosaur on it and pink pajama pants with the word  _ Bootyful _ stitched on the bum. He was comfy and cozy, which was the dress code for any movie night.

Connor had suggested a movie night, wanting to see what had come out since he had passed on. Evan had chosen a few of his favorites, including  _ The Force Awakens _ , and had ordered what Connor deemed to be “the best fucking thing ever” for a pizza.

Evan popped in the first movie, letting all the trailers at the beginning to play. Connor ‘sat’ on the couch and patted the spot next to him, which Evan took happily. They got about fifteen minutes into the movie when the doorbell rang, signalling pizza. Evan swallowed, not really prepared for answering the door.

He got up, money in hand, and went to the door, the words he was going to say running through his head on a loop. He couldn’t mess up, he’d answer the door, they’d exchange pizza and money, and the pizza guy would leave, it’d be fine.

Evan took a shaky breath as he swung the door open. The exchange went smoothly enough, with only mild stuttering. Evan worried if his sweaty hands made the money soggy. The pizza guy left and Evan closed the door with a sigh of relief.

Connor, who had watched the whole exchange, raised an eyebrow. 

“You afraid of the pizza delivery guy or something?” He asked, picking up on Evan’s nervous behavior. Evan sat back onto the couch, setting the box of pizza on the coffee table.

He blushed a little, “I mean, not really him specifically, just- everybody? I’m not- people are just- it’s, I-”

“Stop talking,” Connor turned back to the television, which was still paused on their movie, “You’re going to hurt yourself,” a pause, “So, what, you got anxiety?”

Evan nodded jerkily, not looking at Connor, who merrily shrugged.

“Don’t feel bad about it,” He said, “It’s not your fault,”

Evan gave Connor a small smile, “T-thanks,” he stuttered, “I- uh- should I start the movie then?”

Connor smirked and nodded.

Evan played the movie and ate some pineapple covered pizza. It wasn’t bad.

 

***

 

That night, as Evan was laying in bed trying to sleep, Connor spoke to the darkness.

“You’re not afraid of me, though, right?” the ghost asked. It was like he was continuing their conversation from hours previous. He sounded very vulnerable and small.

Evan couldn’t see Connor and spoke to the ceiling, “I should be,” He said, “You’re a ghost whose technically haunting my house. You have a temper unlike anything I’ve ever seen. You’re so closed off, never sharing things about yourself. You’re not always the nicest person to be around and you leave conversations hanging if you don’t want to talk,” Evan sighed, then, “But I’m not afraid of you, Connor. That’s weird right?” he gave a humorless laugh.

“Only a little weird,” Connor replied, still sounding off.

“I’m not afraid of you. In fact you’re one of the only people, er ghosts, who I’m not constantly cautious around. You- you make me feel safe…” Evan felt himself blush and he gripped the bedsheets tightly.

There was only silence to greet him.

“Connor?” Evan asked, scared he freaked the spirit out.

“Evan,” Connor breathed, sounding broken, “No one’s ever thought that about me… I- people have always… well, I’ve always been given a wide berth. It’s- this is- Shit I’m so bad at this… Just, thank you, Evan,”

Evan smiled slightly, “Of course, Connor,”

They fell into silence and Evan concluded that the conversation was over. He began to drift off, when he heard Connor’s voice break through the silence again.

“You make me feel alive, Evan,” He said quietly, probably thinking that Evan was already asleep.

Evan smiled widely into his pillow, a warm feeling erupting in his stomach. He slept soundly that night, dreams of trees and Connor keeping him company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm not sure when I can post chapter six, I'll try to get it out soon though. Maybe tomorrow maybe not, we'll see. Have a day as great as you all are!!
> 
> 1kudos=1atom


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shit, oh well. Also, I wanna thank everyone whose left a kudos or a comment or has just decided check out this train wreck of a story, you're all so cool and awesome!! You are all the engine that drives me to write!  
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter!!

Evan woke up to pounding on his door and his doorbell frantically going off. Evan groaned into his pillow and held it over his head. No, too early.

He looked over at his alarm clock, it said that it was eleven in the morning. On a fucking weekend? Hell nah.

Connor appeared above him, making Evan jump slightly, “That ass cast is here,” Connor greeted Evan with a bored look.

“Who?” Evan asked, brain barely awake enough to wake up. Connor rolled his eyes.

“Get up, Evan, what’s his face is at the damn door,” Evan sat up and frowned at the ghost.

Then he heard the yelling outside. It sounding like someone was just chanting Evan’s name over and over again. Evan sat up and rubbed at his eyes, listening to the voice for a moment.

Wait, he knew that voice....

Oh. Oh no.

It was Jared.

Evan lept from his bed, something akin to panic rushing his system. He quickly went to go answer the door, telling Connor to make himself invisible.

He flung the door open with a nervous expression on his face. Jared stood there, hair standing up on end, as if he had been running his hands through it all day, a slightly wild look in his eye.

“Evan!” Jared cried walking into the house, “You have a ghost in your house!” Ah, straight to the point.

Evan shook his head, probably too quickly, shutting the door behind Jared “N-no I don’t,” He felt something icy cold touch his shoulder and felt a little better knowing Connor was right there.

“Uh, yes you do,” Jared spoke in a slightly shrill voice, “I saw him when I came here the other day! I was trying to leave and he came at me! He tried to kill me!” 

Evan could almost  _ feel  _ Connor roll his eyes, “A-are you feeling alright?” He tried. 

Jared pinched his nose, clearly frustrated, “Yes, yes, I’m perfectly…” He trailed off and looked at Evan with narrowed eyes, “Wait…” 

Evan began to sweat a bit. He was never the best liar, too nervous to get through the lie without a stutter, and he was trying to lie to someone who has known him for his entire life. Jared probably knew Evan better than most anyone else, however reluctantly. 

Jared walked closer to Evan, “You’re lying,” he accused.

Evan let out a shaky laugh, “W-what makes you s-say that?” Jared squinted at him.

“The fact that I’m not a fucking moron,” Jared pointed at Evan dramaticly, “You know about the ghost! He’s possessed you! Don’t worry, Evan, I’ll save you from the ghost in you!” He picked up a lamp that had been on a nearby table and swung it back like a bat, ready beat the phantom out of Evan.

Evan yelped and closed his eyes, throwing his hands up to block the blow. But it never came. All that came was a startled yelp from Jared and the sound of something breaking.

Evan opened his eyes to see Jared staring in horror at Evan with the lamp shattered on the floor.

But, no...not at Evan...behind Evan. Evan turned around  to see Connor glaring menacingly down at Jared, a look of pure hate on his face.

“Don’t you touch him,” Connor said darkly.

Evan sighed and glanced back at Jared who had a confused and terrified look on his face.

Evan reached out to touch Connor’s shoulder in comfort. Connor looked down at Evan, hard look softening. They seemed to have a silent conversation that consisted of Evan giving Connor a stern look and Conner rolling his eyes.

“Fine, I won’t castrate him,” Connor finally said, voice way too gentle for the words. Evan liked to think it was because of him that Connor spoke so softly.

Evan smiled slightly, “Thank you, I do like having my friends not dead,” Connor raised a brow, “You know what I mean,”

Evan turned back to Jared who looked aghast and mildly scandalized. Evan felt his cheeks grow warm and he shrugged with an awkward smile.

“Uh, Jared, this is, umm, this is Connor. Connor this is Jared…” Evan introduced them, picking at the hem of his shirt.

Connor nodded, “Wassup, man?” So chill.

“What… The ACTUAL FUCK EVAN?!” Jared screeched. Less chill.

“Um, er, well, you see…” Evan wasn’t sure how to explain the situation.

Jared threw his hands in the air, “Why the HELL didn’t you tell me?” He looked rather offended, “You’re dating a  ghost and you deprived me of this fact?!” Wait, what?

“I- what?” Evan waved his hands in front of him, “No, no, it’s not- we’re not- um… he trailed off, blush spread across his face.

“You mean you  _ not  _ super gay for Casper, here?” Jared raised an unimpressed eyebrow. He snorted, “Yeah, okay,”

Evan tugged at his shirt, “I’m  _ not,  _ though. We’re j-just friends,” Connor nodded in agreement, clearly uncomfortable with the topic.

Jared continued to look at the two unbelieving. He shrugged, “Whatever you say, dudes,” He glared at Evan again, “I still want deets, man. How- When did this all happen?”

Evan began to awkwardly tell the story of Connor, with Connor breaking in to give his input. Jared looked enthralled, apparently having a ghost friend is worth a million cool points or something.

When he was done with the story, Jared looked as if he was considering something, as his face was scrunched up in thought.

“So, wait, why are you a ghost then?” He asked Connor, who just shrugged.

“I don’t fucking know, I just am,” Connor responded dully.

Jared pursed his lips for a moment before he snapped his fingers together and said, “Aha!” He pointed at Connor, “I’ve read somewhere that the reason is because you died violently and slash or you have unfinished business. The only way to pass on is to, like, finish that biz,” He looked so proud of himself.

Evan ganced at Connor, “ _ Do _ you have unfinished business?” He asked, curious.

Connor glared at the two of them, not liking the sudden attention, “How should I know?” He yelled, “Fuck this shit,” And with that Connor disappeared.

Evan could only assume he was gone, for the chill that made his presence known to Evan was gone.

Jared let out a low whistle, “Touch-y,” 

Which was followed by Connor throwing a pillow into Jared’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm nearly done with the next chapter, I'm not sure if it'll be up tommarow or not. It'll get better I promise, I'm sorry this is such shit. Thanks for reading!! Have a day as spectacular as you are!
> 
> 1kudos=1baby otter


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like the chapter!

Jared came a bit more after that, never dropping the fact that he thought they were  _ so  _ gay for eachother. Once Jared made fun of Evan saying that it figured that the only person who’d like him was a dead guy. Connor made him apologize, threatening to do horrible ghosty things. 

Connor didn’t like Jared. The guy was a grade A asshole and didn’t deserve to be in the presence of someone as amazing as Evan. Of course he didn’t say any of this to his living friend. Evan still regarded Jared as a sorta-friend, not wanting to be forgotten about. 

Connor cold understand to some extent. Being forgotten was something that stung worse than dying. It sucked real bad. But he couldn’t understand being friends with a dick in a weak attempt to be remembered. It’s not like Jared would remember Evan, not really. The thought made Connor ghost-blood boil. Unlike Connor, Evan deserved to be remembered. 

But, even with Jared’s more frequent visits, it still wasn’t very often, so the two had their alone time. But not in, like, the gay way. Nope, no way. 

However, Connor wouldn’t deny that he felt  _ something  _ for Evan. Who wouldn’t? Evan was a nice, thoughtful, funny, and attractive guy. Any person would be lucky to catch Evan’s eye. Connor couldn’t help the more than platonic thoughts he had for Evan. 

But, of course, that would never work out. Connor was fucking dead, it’s not like he could have a relationship with Evan forever. Evan would grow up and move on from him. Evan would forget about him.

That thought struck Connor, then, making him stop and hover in the air. Right now, Evan was asleep in his bed and Connor was just haunting around the place in thought. He floated above the couch and folded his arms over his chest, a worried frown on his face. 

Connor should just evaluate his predicament. First off, Connor had a big gay crush on Evan. That much was clear, there was no point lying about it. Second, he was hella dead. Again, duh. Third, Evan was not dead. That's where the problems came in. 

Connor couldn’t expect Evan to just wait around with Connor until he died too. Evan would eventually move on and Connor would be nothing more than a forgotten memory. Evan would forget Connor.

He felt as if the world was spinning. Connor felt sick at the thought of Evan leaving. But, it’s not like Connor could keep Evan here. He wouldn’t. Evan deserved a good, happy life, away from the ghost of a suicidal guy. Evan had to get away from him. He was just a dark stain on the pure white tablecloth of Evan’s life. He had to erase himself.

That left two options. One was to get Evan to leave, but that’d be difficult. Anything Connor would usually do wouldn’t faze Evan, he already knew Connor and his ghost tricks. No, Evan probably wouldn’t just up and leave, which left…

Connor remembered back to the conversation from a few weeks prior. The reason he was a ghost in the first place. Connor had some unfinished business Did Connor know what that business was? Nah, dude, he had no fucking clue. But he had to try and find out. Connor didn’t care if he passed on, he could continue haunitng up the joint and be fine, he just wanted Evan to be happy. And Evan would be happier if Connor wasn’t around to darken his life.

Connor decided that that was the only thing he could do. He had to finish something to put his spirit at rest, so Evan could live a good life. 

The only question was, what the hell did he need to do to pass on?

***

It was noon by the time Evan rolled himself out of bed. It was a blissful Sunday and he hoped to just lounge around today. He shuffled to the kitchen to make himself some hot chocolate. 

“Connor?” He called into the house, wondering where the ghost was.  Connor appeared in front of him, a tired look on his face.

“Morning, Evan,” He greeted with a little wave. Evan smiled sleepily back.

“I’m going to visit mom today, okay?” Evan said as he made his drink, “I’ll only be gone for a few hours. You good by yourself?” Coonnor just nodded, a preoccupied look on his face. Evan bit his lip, “And, uh, I wanted to, um…” He triled off looking away.

“What?” Connor asked.

“I wanted to visit your, uh, grave?” He nervously tugged at his pajama shirt, “I mean, I just wanted to pay my respects to you, cause you’re really important to me, but that’s weird, right? This is weird, I’m sorry, I just- and I wanted to, like, bring you some flowers, but I don’t know your favorite, so I don’t know what to bring. But if you don’t want me to go, I won’t. This is weird, I’m asking my friend if I can visit his grave, I’m so sorry, I’m dumb-”

“Evan,” Connor interrupted, a touched look on his face, “I like, uh, bleeding hearts? Or, like, roses are cool, but I don’t really care,” He smiled slightly at Evan, “It’d be...nice to have someone visit my grave. It’s not like my family ever did,”

“I’ll bring bleeding hearts,” He said with an air of finality. They shared a small, shy smile with each other.

Connor blinked a moment, softly telling Evan where he was buried. Evan nodded, picking up a pen and writing it down on his hand. It was silent between them, then, but a good silence. It was nice.

The microwave beeped, signaling that the hot chocolate was done, and the noise shook them out of their thoughts. Evan coughed awkwardly, “Well, um, I guess I should get ready, mom will expect me soon,”

He grabbed his mug and walked back to his room. Evan sipped at his drink as he pulled out clothes he would wear that day. Dark gray jacket over a blue shirt and khakis. Damn, that aesthetic, though.

He finished his hot chocolate and dressed quickly. He knew he’d be late, but he didn’t want to be any later than he had to. Evan brushed his teeth and made sure he didn’t smell bad before walking to the front door to slip of his old sneakers. 

Evan noted that Connor hadn’t moved from where he was floating in the kitchen. Evan glanced up at him with a worried look. Should he ask? Would that be crossing the line? He chewed at his lip.

“Connor?” He spoke up. Connor made a grunting noise, “Are you okay?” Evan asked timidly.

Connor wasn’t looking at him, just nodded his head slowly. Real convincing. Evan knew he sould probably make certain that Connor was okay, but he was late. He opened the door, still looking back at Connor.

“Okay… well, I’ll see you later,” Evan began to leave, but he stopped and turned back to Connor, “Connor?” Connor made another grunt, “I care about you, you know that right? You matter,” He thought his words would make Connor feel bad, but Connor just flinched slightly and hung his head. Evan done goofed it. He shouldn’t have said anything, now Connor’s uncomfortable and he hates you, he hates you so much, he-

“I care about to, too, Evan,” Connor muttered, voice broken. 

Something was wrong. Evan wanted to stay, but he couldn’t. He just bid Connor adieu and left the house, the door shutting with a sharp click.

***

Visiting Heidi was always a nice time. They were at Heidi’s house, sitting on the couch as some crappy reality show played in the background. Evan liked hearing how his mother was doing, he liked listen to her talk about her life and how her co-worker, Kelly, is “so obnoxious, playing her christian rap where everyone can hear”. Evan didn’t give her much about his own life, however, he mostly just gave a comment or two.

Today was a particularly silent day for Evan as his mind was preoccupied with Connor. Heidi noticed her son’s silence, which made her a little worried.

“Evan, honey, are you doing okay?” SHe asked leaning closer to her son. Evan blinked at her.

“I-um, yeah! Yeah, I’m great, fine, yup,” He didn’t sound fine. She raised an eyebrow.

“Okay,” she began slowly, “Well, how about you tell me about what’s going on, huh? What’s the haps in Evan Town?” 

“Never say that again,” Evan gave her the look of an awkward teenager, “But, um, life’s good?”

“Is that a question?” SHe inquired.

“No? Yes? I don’t- I’m just- Ugh,” Evan put his head in his hands, “I’m just confused…” 

Heidi gave him a concerned look, “About what?”

He looked up at her for a moment before glancing away, “I, well- it’s just- there’s this, uh, guy, right? And he, um, visits me pretty often, we’re pretty close friends. But, um, he’s just- he’s was pretty distant when I saw him this morning and I’m just- worried, y’know, that he, like, hates me. But I don’t know what I’d do if he hated me cause he’s, like, my best friend and I care about him so much and mom, what if he hate me?” Evan was getting close to panic then.

Heidi took his hand in her and tried to calm him, “Breathe, Evan, it’s okay, it’s alright. Take a deep breaths. I’m sure your friend doesn’t hate you-”

“But what if he does?!” Evan was shaking a little bit.

Heidi gave him a reassuring smile, “Talk to him, he’ll probably just tell you what I did. If he cares about you the way you do about him, I’m certain that there is no way he could hate you,”

Evan bit at his lips, calming down a tad.

“What’s his name?” She asked softly, a little smile tugging at her face.

Evan glanced at her, “Uh, it’s, um, Connor,” He looked at the ground.

Heidi put a hand on his shoulder, prompting him to look at her, “Tell me about him,”

“He’s,” Evan paused, wondering how to describe Connor, “He’s awesome,” He breathed out, a nervous smile on his face, “LIke, he’s kinda sarcastic and a little, um, rude. Like, he’ll insult you without realizing it, but, yeah, uh, it’ fine. He’s really sweet, though. Like, he’s really understanding, of my, erm, anxiety and he’s just really great. And, um, he rarely ever smiles, but when he does, it’s like the sunshine after a storm breaking through the clouds. And sometimes, he just smiles with his eyes, like, they get this cute little glint in them, and you can tell that he’s smiling on the inside. Connor’s just- he’s so,” Evan grinned slightly, looking off into the distance as he thought of his friend, “He’s perfect,”

Heidi raised her eyebrows, choosing to say nothing at the fact that her son was obviously smitten with this other boy. She silently cheered in her head that someone came along to make her dear son so happy. Heidi vaguely wondered when she’d be able to meet Connor.

She smiled as Evan continued telling her about his friend. She was happy for him.

***

Evan left his mom’s feeling light. He was a little worried that he had talked too much about Connor, but Heidi assured him that she was happy he’d found someone like Connor. He was glad he found someone like Connor. 

The thing was, Connor made Evan feel so happy. Like, if Connor was there, everything would be okay. He was just so amazing and Evan wondered how he’d been so lucky to meet the other. Connor made Evan happy, so very happy. Weirdly happy. Suspiciously happy.

Evan thought a moment. When he was with Connor, he felt warm, despite the spirit’s chill. Connor made him feel safe and at home. Connor was everything to Evan, evan though they’d only known each other for almost eight months now. How did Connor manage to worm his ay into Evan heart?

Wait… his heart? Evan paused a second, eyes widening as he realized something.

Evan Hansen, anxious supreme, was in love with his best friend, Connor Murphy, who just so happened to be dead. Oh shit.

Evan couldn’t be in love with Connor, he  _ couldn’t _ , it wouldn’t work. It couldn’t work. Connor was dead, hella dead, and Evan was not that. Not dead. Alive. Whatever.

But, all the signs pointed to him being head over heels for his ghost buddy. Why did Evan’s life have to be so difficult?

Evan vaguely wondered if this made him a necrophiliac. Probably not, cause he was in love with  _ Connor  _ not his corpse. 

Evan began walking again, unaware of when he had stopped in his track, accepting his fate to suffer in silence. Connor and him couldn’t be together, evan if Connor felt the same way. Which, why on earth would Connor feel the same, Evan was awful. He was boring and dumb and horrid and disgusting and and and-

He took a shaky breath in as he walked to Connor’s grave, a small bouquet of bleeding hearts clutched in his clammy hands. His thoughts swirled in his head. Connor wouldn’t even like Evan if he was alive. He wouldn’t like someone like Evan. Evan sucked, Connor did not. 

Evan neared the cemetery where Connor was. Or where his body was. And, oh boy, was that a weird thought. 

He walked through the cemetery, looking for Connor’s headstone. He found it after about ten minutes of awkwardly looking. It was newer than some of the other ones, but it was clear that a few years had passed. There were no flowers on the grave.

_ Connor Murphy,  _ it said followed by a birthday. April twentieth. How fitting. It was bland and bare, as if no one really cared what it looked like. Like no one cared about remembering Connor.

Evan took a shaky breath and placed the flowers down at the bottom of the tombstone. He sat down, crossing his legs at he looked at the grave. He wanted to pay his respects to his dear friend.

“Hey, Connor,” Evan spoke, feeling vaguely ridiculous, “It’s Evan, uh, y’know, your friend. This is dumb, I could literally go home and have a real conversation with you, but…” Evan bit his lip. He began to talk to the grave, however stupid it felt, it was nice to talk to it without worrying about ruining his friendship. 

He talked about trivial things like the color of flower he got (blue) to more interesting things (like Evan’s totally gay ass feelings for Connor). But also telling Connor about some tree facts of the nearby specimens. It was refreshing to just let go of everything he held in his head without worrying about being annoying or offencive. Evan rambled for a long while, getting lost in his thoughts.

At about six o’clock, Evan stopped from throat pain only. He smiled at the grave.

“I guess I’ll head home now, maybe I’ll be brave enough to tell this to the real you” He stood up and brushed off his pants, knowing he wouldn’t be that courageous, “Bye Connor, I’ll see ya soon,”

Evan stood for a moment, turning to leave, before he bit his lip and turned back to the tombstone. He kissed his hand and pressed it to the top of the headstone. Evan held his hand in place for a moment, sighing with content.

“Who the hell are you?” A voice startled him out of his thoughts and he jumped and spun to see who had spoken, worrying it’d be some mugger.

Except it wasn’t a mugger, it was a woman with brown-ish hair tumbling down her shoulders. She had on a pair of shorts and high tops with a loose pink shirt. She was unfairly pretty and Evan was sure if he had known her before he met Connor, he would have probably developed a crush on her. She had a angry and confused expression on her face, looking apprehensive of Evan.

“Uhh,” Evan eloquently said.

“Who are you? And why are you at my brother’s grave?” She asked with a hand on her hip.

Wait, hang on a moment, her brother? Connor’s sister? 

“Zoe?” Evan gasped.

She blinked at him, caught off guard by her own name, “I- yeah…” She began slowly, narrowing her eyes at Evan, “How did you know that?”

Evan looked mildly panicked. He didn’t know what to say, wondering if she’d call the looney bin if he said he was friends with the ghost of her dead brother. Evan began to fiddle with the hem of his shirt.

“I- uh, I’m friends- I mean, I  _ was,  _ um, f-friends… w-with, erm, Connor,” He stuttered out, nerves getting the best of him. Not a lie, just not the whole truth. No way she’d by it.

“Really?” Zoe looked a little shocked, “Connor had friends?” 

Evan nodded vigorously.

Zoe looked taken aback. She glanced at the grave behind Evan and then looked back at the anxiousness in front of her. 

“Lemme buy you a coffee?” She asked, wanting to know more about Connor’s supposed friend.

Evan fought the urge to curl up into a ball and roll away, instead choosing to nod too quickly. If he said no, Zoe would think that he was a jerk and then would think that Connor had hung out with jerks and then her image of Connor would be even worse and Evan didn’t want that. Connor deserved to be remember as angry the ray of light that he is. 

Zoe gestured for him to follow her to her car, saying something about some great coffee place they could go to. Evan followed wordlessly, wondering how his life came to the point where he was about to have coffee with the sister of his ghost best friend. 

He hoped Connor would be okay alone for a little bit longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've enjoyed! This chapter is a bit shit, but I hope you liked it at least a little bit.
> 
> 1kudos=1banana peel


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting fucking real, friends

The car ride to the coffee shop was what Evan thought to be his personal hell. Zoe didn’t anything the entire ride there and Evan was too afraid to start the conversation himself. So the two were resigned to sit in an awkward silence, the car radio not even on to lighten the blow.

Evan bit at his fingernails, feeling something akin to panic seep into his head. This was Zoe, Connor’s sister, who thinks that Evan was friends with Connor when he was alive, which he wasn’t. What if she asked how they met? Oh, he just haunted my house for bit, it was really great. Yeah, that’ll work.

Zoe pulled up to a coffee shop called _Get Bean’d_ and turned off the car, glancing at Evan with uncertainty.

“So, uh, should we go in?” Evan asked, feeling a little nauseous.

Zoe nodded and leaving the car and walking inside the coffee shop. Evan quickly followed after her, not wanting to be left behind.

The shop was small and quaint, pressed in between a dress store and an old antique shop. The inside was strewn with mismatched armchairs and tables, looking very much like an old-woman’s house. Zoe led him up to the counter, ordering something for herself before turning to Evan and asking what he wanted.

“Uh- H-hot chocolate, please,” He stuttered out. Zoe gave him a kind smile, as if trying to reassure him. She turned back to the register and paid before Evan could even offer to cover his part of the bill.

When the drinks were made, Zoe led him over to a pair of floral chairs, sitting down in one and pointedly looking at the other for Evan to sit in. He shuffled over and sat quickly in the plush chair.

“So,” Zoe sipped at her drink, “How do you know Connor?”

Evan blinked at her, voice frozen in his throat. She shook her head.

“Sorry, that’s rude. I mean- uh, what’s your name?” She tried for a smile and fell a little short as she waited for Evan’s response.

“I-I’m Evan,” His voice cracked a bit and he sipped at his hot chocolate. Zoe nodded thoughtfully.

“When did you meet Connor?” She was rather curious as to when and how this awkward guy fell into Connor’s life without her knowledge.

“Uhh, I mean,” He coughed, “It was years ago, obviously, and I-I lived next door to him,” He began to pick at his fingers, “He, um, w-would seem sort of, like, angry all the time, right? But also, like, sad too? And one day I thought, maybe I’ll do something to make him happier. I, uh, made him cookies,” Oh, how Evan wished this was how they met, when Connor was alive. Maybe Connor wouldn’t have killed himself if he had a friend.

Zoe smiled at his story, “That’s really sweet,”

“Yeah, I guess,” He cleared his throat, “But, um, we started to hang out more after that and we became pretty close. He was my best friend,” Evan felt a little pang of sadness go through him.

Zoe nodded sadly, “I- Did he tell you about me?” she had an almost hopeful expression on her face.

Evan nodded, “A little bit. He said that you guys didn’t have the best history,”

Zoe looked a little heartbroken, “Yeah, we-we were always fighting,” She took a deep breath, “And, when he died, I’m not gonna lie, I was a little relieved to be rid of him,” She laughed bitterly, “But, now, I realize how awful I had been to him back. I didn’t make living easy for him, either, and I see that now. Y’know I visit him every weekend? I go and stay for hours talking to him, apologizing to him. He- he didn’t deserve to die,” She choked up a bit.

Evan gave her a sad look, “I- I’m sure he’d love to hear that you’ve been so- so kind to him, recently,” He tried to give her a smile.

She shook her head, “God, I’m a mess, I’m sorry,” She smiled back, “I mean, you’ve mourned him too, and I’ve only recently started to miss him,” She waved her hands in front of her face for a moment, clearing her thoughts, “So, uh, what was Connor like? When you were together?”

Evan didn’t want to read the implications of that, so he just smiled and told her about Connor. They spent hours in that coffee shop, in a pleasant conversation.

***

It was about ten when Evan came back home. His brow was a little furrowed in a cute way, like he was thinking hard about something. Connor could relate, he spent the whole day trying to come up with his unfinished business. Evan walked over to the couch and sat down, looking uncomfortable, tugging at his shirt. Connor didn’t like that look.

“C-Connor?” Evan called to the house, looking at the floor. Connor made himself visible, hovering next to Evan on the couch.

“Hey, Ev, how was your day?” Connor asked, trying to keep the mood light.

Evan bit his lip (Connor totally didn’t stare at the action) and blurted out, “I met your sister,” He clamped his hands over his mouth, looking like he wished he had said something else.

Connor blinked at him. What did he just say? He met Zoe? He felt himself get angry at the thought of her, “What?” his tone was hostile and Evan flinched at it. Why would Evan even mention her?

“I-I met Zoe t-today,” He swallowed, “She was visiting you- erm, your grave,”

Connor scowled, “No, she wouldn’t,” He floated away from Evan, “She hated me, Evan, despised my very existence. I was a fucking storm cloud on her sunny day, and she knew it,” He wouldn’t look at Evan.

Evan walked over to Connor, reaching out to the ghost, “Connor, she was there. She told me that she goes to your grave every weekend. Zoe told me that she missed you,”

“Liar!” Connor spun on Evan, yelling at him, “Zoe hated me just like everyone else! Hell, I hated me like everyone else! I am not a good person, Evan, why the fuck do you think I killed myself? I couldn’t let myself taint the lives of everyone around me any longer,” His voice was so broken and he hated it. It made him sound weak.

Evan looked heartbroken, “You- I don’t hate you, Connor,” He stepped forward, towards Connor, “You’re the best thing in my life, you- you make my life worth living,” Evan choked a bit.

Connor stared at Evan, “Evan,” He breathed out, “Your life was worth living without me,”

Evan shook his head, “No, no it wasn’t. I hated it, I _still_ hate it sometimes. I hate that I can’t talk to people, I hate that I don’t have any friends, I hate everything I do, I hate living, Connor. I mean- I’m not necessarily suicidal, I just wish more than anything that I had never been born. I-I-I _hate_ it, Connor, and I’ve always hated it. You’re lucky, when you tried to kill yourself, you succeeded, but when I tried it-”

“What?” Connor broke in, a pained expression on his face, “You’ve tried to kill yourself?” He couldn’t believe it.

Evan had tears on his face, “I- yes,” He spoke softly. Connor put a hand on Evan’s shoulder.

“What happened?” He asked quietly.

Evan’s lower lip quivered, “I-I was in high school, the summer b-before s-senior year, and I c-couldn’t _take_ it, Connor, I couldn’t do it anymore. So, I c-climbed this t-tree and I-I” He took a shaky breath, “I jumped,” He wasn’t looking at Connor, he wasn’t looking anywhere, staring off and remembering this dark time, “All I walked a-away with w-was a broken arm. And sometimes I still think it’d be better if I just e-ended it all. If I just disappeared,”

“No,” Connor said forcefully, “Never think like that, Evan,” He floated forward, cupping Evan’s face in his hands, “I- You are the best person I have ever known,  you deserve to be remembered, you deserve to live. You deserve so much, Evan,” Connor thought back to his plans to pass on. Evan didn’t deserve to be burdened with him.

Evan seemed to subconsciously lean into Connor’s  cold touch, tears falling down his face as he stared into Connor’s eyes. Connor didn’t deserve someone like Evan to care about him.

Connor backed away abruptly and bit his lip, thinking about how all this was brought up. Zoe was at his grave, huh? Maybe...maybe if he seeks closure with his family, with Zoe, he could pass on.

Evan looked at Connor with concern, “Connor?”

“I think I know what my unfinished business is,” Connor had a very serious expression on his face, “I need to fix things with my family. I need to pass on,”

Connor turned and left the room, pretending that he didn’t see the look of utter despair and hurt on Evan’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT ANNCOUNCEMENT so this story is almost done and I have two possible endings for it. One ending will take 2-ish more chapters, the other will have about 5 to six more. I don't want to write more than you all want, so I've created a poll [here](http://www.strawpoll.me/12991723)  
> Please vote for which ending you'd prefer so I can start writing!
> 
> But, anyway, thank you all so much for reading! Have a beautiful day!
> 
> 1kudos=1mac n' cheese dish


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when the boys were eating pizza and watching Star Wars? Yeah...good times...

Evan was going to pretend like it was fine. Connor wanted to pass on, this could be his one chance, Evans wasn’t going to stop him. It wasn’t his place to beg Connor to stay if the spirit didn’t want to. It was fine, totally fine.

Except, it wasn’t. 

Every time Evan thought about it, about how Connor wanted to leave, he felt a sharp pain in his chest, like his heart was breaking. He couldn’t help but blame himself for Connor wanting to leave. It was his fault, Connor was probably sick and tired of Evan and wanted to get away from him as soon as possible. Evan wouldn’t blame Connor for thinking this way, Evan was a terrible person. Evan was just being selfish wanting Connor to stay with him. God, he was the worst. 

Connor must not care about Evan the way Evan cares about him. Evan knew this to be true, he knew there was no way Connor would return his feelings, but he still had a little bit of hope. Hope that maybe Connor really did feel the same, that Connor wanted Evan the same way. Maybe, if they had felt strongly enough for each other, they would have gotten past the whole ghost thing. Evan knew it didn’t really bother him that much, ghost Connor was the only Connor he ever knew, he was used to it. Maybe they could have made it work…

That was a stupid thought though, It was dumb to have such fantasies. Even though Evan knew it was impractical and foolish, he still had that hope, a hope that was quickly squashed. Connor doesn’t care about Evan, he probably hates Evan. 

BUt Evan wasn’t about to get on his knees and plead with Connor to stay. He wasn’t going to beg Connor to stay with him because the ghost was the only thing that really made him happy. He  _ wouldn’t. _ Evan knew he just had to grit his teeth and bare it. Act like it was fine, that he was okay with Connor’s decision, like it wasn’t going to rip him to shreds inside. He had plenty of time to sob pathetically when Connor was gone.

_ Gone.  _ It didn’t really sink in for Evan that Connor would be gone in no time at all. He’d be gone and Evan would be alone. Evan wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do when Connor left. 

He sighed heavily as he walked up the driveway of his house. It was after work and he had to walk from the bus station, as he didn’t have a car. The thought of driving on his own made his incredibly nervous. Though, a tin can on wheels filled with people wasn’t all that much better.

As he unlocked the door to go inside, he tried to keep his grief off his face, to pretend like it was okay. LIke he was  _ fine.  _

When he went he gave the house a quick greeting, knowing he was really talking to the invisible Connor. The phantom made himself seen, appearing above the couch on his back as he lounged around. Connor raised his hand in greeting before frowning and drifting over to Evan.

“What’s wrong?” Connor asked, concerned.

“I-” Evan began, not knowing what to say. What  _ could  _ could he say? Tell Connor that he didn’t want the ghost to leave? No, he had to let Connor go, let the ghost move on. He had to, no matter how painful it was.

“It’s nothing,” Evan ended up saying after an awkward period of silence. Connor narrowed his eyes at him, not believing Evan’s lie one bit.

“Nothing?” Connor asked, “Really? Cause you’re face tells a different tale,” He crossed his ghost arms and raised a brow.

Evan bit his lip and shrugged, “Yeah, nothing, it’s all fine, everything’s fine, why would there be anything wrong?” His voice got higher as his sentence went on.

He pushed past Connor and to his room to change into pajamas and escape talking to Connor. Not that he would admit that. Because he could talk to Connor and not want to curl up into a ball and cry. He totally could. Maybe.

Connor wasn't done talking, though, and had followed Evan into the room. Connor was agitated and a little concerned, but Evan wasn’t paying attention, he was too focused on not paying attention.

“Why are you lying to me? Are you okay, did something happen?” His voice had a worried edge to it. Evan turned to face the ghost.

And he saw how Connor’s face looked almost sad that Evan was lying to him and mostly uneasy. LIke Connor was worried that  _ he’d  _ messed something up with Evan. Even though it was one hundred percent Evan’s fault for his behavior. It was Evan’s fault for falling in love with Connor and it was his fault for being so  _ selfish  _ and wanting Connor to stay. Connor didn’t do anything wrong. This was all on Evan.

“I-” Evan started, feeling his throat close up, “I’ve just been wondering… how’re we going to get you to pass on? Like, I mean, you want to pass on, right? So maybe we should be working on how to get you there?” It was a lie, a horribly blatant lie, but Connor seemed to buy it. Or maybe he didn’t? Evan wasn’t sure, Connor’s face seemed to close down, becoming unreadable.

“Oh, yeah, right,” Connor stared blankly at Evan a moment before shaking his head and continuing, “I’ve been thinking about that too, and I was thinking, maybe, I’d write them a letter. LIke a suicide note, but fixing the rift between us, y’know? I’d write it and you’d give it to Zoe saying how you found it recently when going through some of my things and wanted her to have it. Maybe that’ll work,”

Evan nodded dumbly, choking back tears, “Cool,” his voice cracked but he just cleared his throat and moved to grab some paper and a pen, handing them to Connor.

Connor hesitated in taking the items, but took them and began writing, ignoring Evan. Evan nodded and left the room, muttering something about going to the store.

Evan ended up just sitting on the front porch and sobbing helplessly.

***

Connor finished the note the next day, feeling numb and broken. He hated how eagerly Evan seemed to be ready to get rid of him. He hated how he didn’t want to leave. He hated how much he loved Evan and how Evan would never love him back. He hated being dead. Connor wished more than ever before that he had never killed himself, that he had just stuck it out until-

Until what? If he haddn’t killed himself, he would never had met Evan and his life would’ve sucked like it did when he was alive. But now that he had met Evan, he was dead. Fuck, Connor’s existence was cursed, wasn’t it?

But though Connor was full of hate and despair, he wrote a meaningful note to Zoe and his mom. He knew his father probably didn’t really care, so he wrote to the two people he thought would. The note spoke of how sorry he was for being a douche and how he forgave them for not really caring about him in the first place. Connor wasn’t lying when he said these things, he meant every word he put on paper, he just hoped this worked. Connor didn’t want to burden Evan anymore.

When he finished, it was around two in the morning and Connor was at the kitchen table, focusing on the pen not phasing through his hand. He set down the utensil and rubbed at his face. This had to work. He stood up and drifted over to Evan’s room, planning to drift tiredly by Evan’s side, when he stopped outside the door. Connor could hear Evan crying softly in the room. It made his heart break.

He walked in and the sight before him made his heart just completely shatter. Evan was lying in bed with his face blotted with tears as he sobbed into his pillow to muffle the sound of his cries. He looked to broken and small and Connor wanted nothing more than to comfort his friend.

Connor drifted forward, reaching out to Evan, who abruptly stopped crying and looked around with wide eyes. 

“C-Connor?” He asked, no doubt feeling the coolness of Connor’s presence.

“Yeah, Evan, I’m here,” Connor said soothingly, lying down next to Evan. Evan probably felt Connor next to him and turned to face the ghost.

“Connor, I don’t want you to go,” He sobbed, reaching unknowingly into Connor’s chest. Evan was searching for comfort in Connor’s cold form. Connor placed a phantom hand on Evan’s cheek.

Evan’s didn’t know how toxic Connor was, he didn’t understand that Connor had to leave. Evan was better off without him.

Connor said nothing, just ran his hand down to Evan’s chest. Evan let silent tears make their way down his face as the two laid in bed together.

***

Evan was meeting up with Zoe again. He was about to give her the letter Connor had written. The story was that he had been strolling down memory lane and looking through some of Connor’s things when he came across the letter and he decided to hand it in to Zoe. He hoped she didn’t think he was weird for going through her brother’s stuff. Connor assured him that Zoe wouldn’t think it was weird, that she wouldn’t think twice about it, but Evan wasn’t so sure. What if Zoe found out that he was kind of lying about his relationship with Connor? WHat if she thought Evan was some creepy freak and never wanted to see him again? What if-?

“Evan?” Zoe’s voice interrupted Evan’s thoughts. 

They were at  À La Mode, an ice cream parlor that Zoe had suggested they meet. Evan sat in a booth the letter sitting on the table next to a half eaten vanilla sundae (he had to order something, it would be weird if he went in and ordered nothing, even though the person at the counter no doubt thought he was weird for stuttering through his simple order). He spun around in his seat to face Zoe and smiled slightly when he saw her. She really was rather pretty. Maybe he had a thing for Murphy's.

“H-Hey, Zoe,” He greeted, hoping to come off moderately cool. He didn’t.

She gave him a small smile and slid into the booth across from him, “You said you had something for me?” He nodded and pushed the letter towards her.

“I-It’s a letter I f-found from, um, C-Connor,” He picked at the skin around his fingernails nervously. Zoe grabbed at the letter and opened it with shaking hands, reading it quickly.

Evan shoveled ice cream into his mouth while she read so he didn’t seem so awkward just sitting there. Though, he probably looked gross eating the ice cream, as it was a little melted. He frowned and pushed the ice cream away from him, choosing to pick at his fingers again. 

Zoe set the letter down and looked up at Evan, tears in her eyes. Evan felt a little panic well up in him at Zoe’s expression.

“Oh my god, are you okay? I- I mean, duh, you’re not okay, you just read the last words of your dead brother and- ah jeez that was really insensitive I can’t believe I just said that I’m so sorry, sorry, I just- and-” Zoe held up a hand to stop him from going on.

“It’s fine, Evan, really,” She wiped at her eye and smiled at Evan, “I’m just glad that Connor forgave me in his last moments,” Zoe gave a little, sad laugh, “He was lucky to have a friend like you,” She put a hand over his.

Evan was suddenly wished he had read what was in the letter. He also wihsed that Zoe would remove her hand before Evan royaly freaked out.

She did take her hand away, picking up the letter from the table. Zoe read over it once more before she shot Evan a grin and stood from the table, tucking away the letter into her pocket.

“Thank you for this, Evan, I really appreciate it.” Zoe left the parlor with a wave and a promise to stay in contact.

Evan was left alone in a booth in an ice cream parlor with a three-fourths eaten vanilla sundae, realizing what this meant. This meant when he got back, Connor might not be there. But maybe, maybe Connor had to hear about how Zoe reacted.  Maybe Connor was still there. Maybe Evan could say good-bye

***

Evan got home feeling heavy and tired, hoping beyond hope that Connor was still there. When he walked in the house, he carefully called out. He waited a minute before Connor drifted nervously around the corner. Evan almost cried in relief.

“You’re still here,” Evan breathed. 

Connor nodded, “Did it not work?” His face was unreadable.

Evan licked his lips, “Well, not necessarily,” He picked at the hem of his shirt, “I was think, maybe, you just have to, like, hear about her reaction, to know what happened,” Connor nodded, opening his mouth to speak before Evan barreled on, “But- I thought that, maybe, we could, like, y’know, say goodbye? Like, cause, you’re really important to me and I don’t want you to just go poof with you knowing how much I care, y’know? And, like-”

Connor’s smile was full of remorse as he looked at Evan, “Okay, let’s say our goodbyes,”

Evan nodded, but didn’t know what to say. How could he put into words how much he loved Connor? How could he tell Connor what he felt? Should he confess his love? Should he just say that he thought Connor was a really stellar dude? There wasn’t enough time, there wasn’t enough words, he needed more time. Evan  _ had to  _ have more time with Connor.

Connor bit his nails, “Well, uh, I guess I’ll go first,” He said. Evan nodded as Connor began, “I- Evan, you’re… such an amazing person. I’m not really sure what to say. You made me a better me, and everyday I wanted to do better, I wanted to come close to matching the light that you shine. I’m afraid that I fell flat,” Connor laughed without humour, “But, I just want you to know that I-” He stopped, staring at Evan brokenly, “I...really care about you. You are spectacular, Evan, and I will miss you so much when I’m gone,” 

Evan felt tears falling down his face. He sniffled softly, smiling lightly, “C-Connor,” His voice cracked and he laughed pathetically. Connor wrapped a cold arm around Evan, giving him comfort.

“Connor,’ Evan tried again, “I don’t know what to say. I- I have had some of the best days of my life with you. You are one of the few things in my stupid life that are amazing. You make my life better everyday that I’m with you. You make me feel normal, like I’m not so broken as I am. I wish we had more time and I wish we had met when you were alive and I wish-” He took a shaking breath, stepping out of Connor's embrace to stare into his eyes, “I wish a lot of things, but most of all, I wish for you to be happy. If you think you’ll be happy with- without me in your life, then… okay, this is goodbye,” He gave Connor a watery smile, “I’ll miss you more than anything, Connor, I-”  _ love you. _ Evan shook his head. No, Connor didn’t deserve that. 

“I think it’s time to go,” Evan’s lower lips trembled as he tried to keep back the more intense sobs. 

Connor nodded sadly and stood in a ready position. Evan smiled at him. He can’t hold Connor back, he  _ can’t.  _ It’ll be fine, he’ll be fine.

Evan quietly told Connor about Zoe, how she reacted to Connor’s letter. Connor waited patiently for the story to end, and when it did, nothing happened. 

A minute passed with nothing and Evan wondered if it hadn’t worked. Maybe Connor couldn’t leave yet. Evan felt a wave of happiness at the thought, the thought that Connor was staying, that they had more  _ time _ . But he felt immediately bad at feeling good. Connor wanted to leave. EVan shouldn’t be celebrating Connor’s misfortune. God, Evan was a selfish asshole.

He glanced up at Connor who looked confused and a little scared. LIke something was wrong. Then, Connor looked at Evan in the eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by his form glowing white and hot.

Connor’s eyes widened as he began to brighten. It was all Evan could do to not look away. Connor reached out to Evan and was saying something, but his words held no sound, it was as if he was speaking through a window. 

Evan stared in horrified wonder as Connor mouthed a few last words. Evan choked on a sob, bringing his hand up to his mouth as Connor burned pure white and vanished.

It was as if the life had been sucked from the room. Connor was gone, actually gone. Evan collapsed on the floor, sobs wracking his body. It felt like a hole was brutally ripped from his chest and there was no way to fix it. 

Connor was gone, and he was never coming back. Evan cried out Connor’s name, spewing things he never got the chance to say, spitting out pathetic I-love-you after I-love-you until he could speak no more.

And all Evan could think about as he cried out for the ghost, was the last words Connor had mouthed to Evan.

_ I love you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight y'all, so, some people asked what the other ending would be (the losing ending, or the shorter ending) and it would've ended here with maybe an epilouge about Evan's aftermath. BUT, as we are goind the long way to a different ending, it shall go on for a little longer. I hope you're ready, it's going to be a shit show.  
> But, anyway, sorry for the long time in between posts, I swear it's not intentional, I just lose insparation a lot. Don't worry though, this story will be finished.  
> Thanks so much for reading!! You're all fantasic and I hope you have a lovely day!!
> 
> 1kudos=1star (like you, cause you're a star)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will my updates ever be consistent? Probably not... Enjoy the chapter!

Jared was absolutely livid. Like, he never really liked Mr. Phantom of the Assholes to begin with, but now he could easily say he despised the guy. Connor had just ripped out Evan’s fragile little heart by poofing out like that, and breaking Jared’s best friend’s heart was definitely on the “Fuck You” list. Jared, though he often didn’t show it, really cared about Evan. The guy was like a brother to Jared, and to see Evan look as broken as he did now made Jared 50 shades of furious.

Evan was currently curled into a little ball wrapped in blankets Jared had brought, watching reruns of _Parks and Recreation_ while eating some ice cream. He wasn’t really paying attention to the show, his hazel eyes glazed over and red rimmed. Evan was in the calm moment where he felt he couldn’t cry anymore. He looked so empty, so vacant of any and all expression and feelings. It made Jared’s heart hurt.

Jared was absolute shit when he tried to talk about gooey things like emotions and junk, but right now, in this terrible moment, he had to tried to make Evan feel better. He couldn’t stand the shattered look on Evan’s face anymore.

Slowly, Jared paused the show and turned to Evan, who didn’t stir at the movements. Jared cleared his throat awkwardly in an attempt to get Evan’s attention. His efforts proved victorious as Evan shifted to look at Jared.

“Listen, buddy, my dude, Evan, bro dude,” Jared coughed a little, “I- You can’t keep this up. It’s- I mean- Fuck, I’m so bad at helping people…” He trailed off with a frown, “Look, okay, Connor is a piece of shit- no, shut up, I’m right,” Jared said when Evan opened his mouth to protest, “I’m just leveling here, Connor sucked. He basically just committed suicide, again, and didn’t stop to think how it made you feel. He didn’t stop to worry about you,”

“He had been dead for years, Jared, why would I try to keep him here?” Evan croaked, voice rough from the crying.

“Yeah, and I feel for him, I’m sure his existence was awful, but he still could have at least explained why he wanted to leave. That way you wouldn’t be left in this twilight zone of questions. You feel me?” Jared put a hand on Evan’s shoulder.

Evan frowned and nodded sadly. Jared gave him a little smile.

“I don’t expect you to just get over this guy in the blink of an eye, I know you’re going through some shit right now, Evan, but you don’t have to go through it alone. I’m here for you, dude, you’ve always got me,” Jared had never been more sincere in his entire life.

Evan’s lower lip trembled a bit and he rushed forward into Jared’s arms, giving him a tight hug as he broke down, thanking Jared.

Jared hugged him back, hoping to squeeze the sadness from Evan.

“I miss him, Jared, I miss him so much,” Evan sobbed.

Jared rubbed soothing circles on Evan’s back, Shh shh, it’s okay, Evan, you’re gonna be okay,”

Jared couldn’t help but hate Connor for what he did to Evan, Evan who was so trusting and loving. Evan, who didn’t deserve any of the heartache. Jared just wanted to take it all away. He’d take Evan who is annoyingly anxious and irritated at Jared than an Evan that is so horribly torn over a ghost any day.

As the night progressed, it was clear that Evan was feeling minutely better. Not good, or even fine, but better than he had been. He was still obviously grieving, and Jared wouldn’t’ve expected anything different, but he would get better, Jared knew he would.

Jared eventually had to go home to feed his cat, but he refused to leave until he knew that Evan would be okay for the night. After making sure Evan was alright in bed with everything he needed, Jared made for the door.

But as he reached for the doorknob, he felt a chill run down his spine. A chill he recalled feeling with Connor. Jared paused, hand still outstretched for the doorknob. The chill passed and Jared took a deep breath.

It was nothing, Jared convinced himself, Connor was gone. Jared shook his head and swiftly left the house.

With a snap that echoed through the dark house, the door closed behind him. At the other end of the hall, however, a sigh of relief was made. It wasn’t made from someone who could be heard, though, it was made from someone hiding.

At the other end of the hall, Connor Murphy, invisible, was relieved that Jared wasn’t all that smart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, I just thought it was fine without anything more added.  
> Thanks for reading! I love and adore every comment and kudos!
> 
> 1kudos=1 sticky note with a smiley face on it


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